Voices

The schedule reads "18 miles" for this morning. I haven't slept a combined 18 minutes all night. I'm hungry, but I'm not. I'm tired, but awake. Part anxiety, part complication. I still haven't made up my mind about these 18 miles. One side says...you're jittery, tired, beat down from a week to end all weeks. Another says...what if all those people you told you were running 18 miles ask how it went? One says....you have to go, but maybe you can just do the five miles with the half marathon group and then worry about the other 13 (13!?) later. And yet another says...you can do this, you've been through tougher things lately, this will be a good time to clear your mind - you can give 18 miles. I don't know how to respond; which voice to listen to. And since I don't run with headphones or an iPod or MP3 player, it's just me out there. Me and my thoughts for 18 long miles. That is harder than the physical act of running 18 miles. I really don't want to make deals with myself, I know I need to honor the commitment. The commitment is just proving to be harder than I would have ever imagined. Amongst other things.